I Married A Harlequin Man

I married a Harlequin man.  Many people don't know this.

I married a Harlequin man and I love it.

As a young girl growing up my favorite genre of books was mystery. Very early on it was Encyclopedia Brown... when I got a little older I enjoyed the Nancy Drew series and The Three Investigators... as a teenager it was Christopher Pike and R.L. Stine... still later, and to this day, Mary Higgens Clark.  But romance novels came in at a very, very close second.  In particular, I was a voracious reader of historical romance novels but especially LOVED Harlequin romances.  My older sister and I discovered the Harlequin Presents series through my grandmother's extensive collection.  One summer we were bored and rummaging through her closet, and came across a bevy of hidden treasures: a box filled with books with the covers missing.  Well we both loved to read, and had finished our weekly library books, so our young curiosity was peaked.  Inside the box we discovered titles such as:

Ruthless Magnate, Convenient Wife
A Bride For His Majesty's Pleasure
Angry Desire
Marriage of Convenience
Arrogant Lover
Battle for Possession
Savage Surrender
Masquerade Marriage
Sweet Torment
Wife By Contract

We learned later that the covers had been torn off because my grandmother had found the books discarded outside a store, to be thrown away as garbage. Without bothering to read the back-cover summaries she eagerly retrieved them, knowing someone in the house would be happy for new books to read.

In any event, you can likely tell from the title what the plot is right away.  But in case you couldn't, here is a synopsis of "Ruthless Magnate, Convenient Wife":

Russian billionaire Sergei Antonovich was famous for being knee-deep in stunning supermodels and aspiring actresses. But not one was suitable bride material. Would he ever grant his aging babushka her dearest wish and present her with a grandchild?

So, why not handle this challenge as business? Without emotion, but with a contract of convenience that would grant Sergei the perfect deal: a wife he'd bed, wed, get pregnant… and then discard.

(Why does such an awful, sexist plot still make me giggle, even today as I type that? Shame on me!)

Of course, we don't have to read  "Ruthless Magnate, Convenient Wife" to know that this confirmed bachelor will, despite his strongest resolve, end up falling in love with this woman because of her sweet, pure, virtuous personality and change his womanizing ways.  He'll live happily ever after with his beautiful wife and darling baby.

Oh dear... these themes were so often antiquated, sexist, and depicted stereotypical male and female gender roles.  And yet, I loved them.  My sister and I both did.  We darn near craved them.  We rapidly read through all of my grandmother's collection (unbeknownst to my mom, who likely thought I was just reading one of my Nancy Drew novels).  When those ran out, I checked out more from the library.  My hunger for Harlequin Presents was insatiable.  And I continued to feed that hunger throughout junior high school.  Of course, that wasn't all I was reading at the time.  This was balanced out by the more substantive,"respectable" literature that my dad passed my way, i.e., Richard Wright's "Black Boy," Chinua Achebe's "Things Fall Apart, Alex Haley's "Autobiography of Malcolm X," and other African-American titles.  And, sure, those books were good.  But... they didn't touch my collection of romance novels - never sordid or tasteless, mind you, but just racy enough to satiate the curiosity of a young tween.  When I was a skinny, awkward, shy girl with big glasses, these novels swept me away into a rich fantasy life where I was the heroine being wined, dined, and romanced.

Why did I love the Harlequin man so?  A Harlequin man was usually tawny and brooding, with smoldering, chiseled good looks.  He was always tall, with broad shoulders that tapered down to a narrow waist. He exuded a raw, animal magnetism that the finest custom-made shirt and silk tie couldn't mask (though it may have lent a veneer of civility). He was virile and strong, aggressive in the boardroom and the bedroom, and always with a quiet confidence.  He was dangerously ruthless, within both his business and personal relationships.  A Harlequin man  admittedly was a bit chauvinistic, and generally had the reputation for being a womanizer and confirmed bachelor who preferred to date women who were equally worldly and experienced.  But the woman he eventually falls in love with and marries is never that way.  And when he kisses his lady, his lips are hard and unyielding but his touch soft and tender.

But Harlequin men weren't merely chauvinistic brutes.  A Harlequin man also embodied some very good qualities.  He usually had a sensitive  side, that only those closest to him would get to see.  Usually, he'd been hurt by a woman early on, which hardened his heart and impacted the way he viewed and dealt with the "softer sex" going forward.  They were successful men - good providers who didn't shirk responsibilities at home or at work.  In fact, they were wildly successful, financially responsible, and very wealthy - money is no object for the Harlequin man.  They weren't afraid to take control across various situations, even when others shied away from the role.  They were charming and quick-witted, though sometimes with a sardonic edge. Within relationships, they are fun, gregarious, and kind-hearted.  They are direct and honest about their dealings, to a fault even.  And they are gentle but passionate lovers who care more about their partner's pleasure than their own.

But I won't even try to defend the empire that was Harlequin Enterprises in the 1980s.  While the stories were innocent enough, admittedly, the plots were sexist in theme and maybe even set women back a decade (or two).  But on many levels I enjoyed them.  Don't judge me.

Oh goodness!  Looking back now I can only chuckle because we were barely allowed to watch PG 13 movies as tweens, yet my parents had no  idea the fanciful stories I was reading.  While I was certainly a bright and precocious 11-year-old, like any little girl, I was also quite impressionable.  I realized, years later, just how reading such adult-themed romance novels led me to internalize all sorts of messages (that were sometimes opposite my parents teachings).  These are some of the things I still believe about relationships, and I'm almost certain they were influenced by Harlequin novels:

- a man should be in control - at home, in the bedroom, at work
- a man should be strong
- a woman should aim to marry well
- many men don't want to be married, most women do
- women should be virtuous and sweet

And while I've since reconciled my love of trashy romance novels and realize that these notions are in fact old-fashioned... a part of me still enjoys the idea of them.  Maybe that's why, as a young adult, I gravitated toward my own Harlequin man.  I like to think that my husband embodies the more noble qualities of the Harlequin man.  Because there really are some.  He's a modern-day Harlequin man, if you will. Sometimes when I look at him, I remember my former young self with my nose (and big glasses) buried in a book.  And I feel giddy... because I'm living my own romance novel.  He's the former confirmed bachelor, the strong, sensuous hero who wined me and dined me and swept me off my feet.  Maybe on some level I always knew I'd end up with a Harlequin man.  Or I hoped I would anyway.

Thank you, to Charlotte Lamb, Penny Jordan, Flora Kidd, and others who brought me so much early reading pleasure.

Parents, knock on your child's bedroom door and inquire about what he or she is reading from time to time.  Especially if the cover is ripped off the book.

Comments

[Auntie Nabs]

lmao @ "arabesque" man. i've never read any of those series. i wonder if they were as good and romantic and fairytale like as harlequins?

lmao @ meka and her teacher looking at each other with understanding.

[Michelle]

Funny I never put the connection between the "romantic" books I snuck and read as a child and the standards I still hold any potential suitor to. I couldn't tell you the title or author of any of those books but I was so naive I had no real idea of the "mature" content of what I was reading. If my mom said go ahead and read I would have found them boring - it was the illicit nature that made me continue LOL!

[Felisha]

Great post!! I loved Harlequin Romance novels when I was younger. I had a aunt who read all kinds of risky novels and would past them on to me, my older sister and my teenage cousins. Of course she was always deemed as the cool aunt..lol

Congrats on getting your Harlequin man!!

[Kristin]

Oh dude yes. I read the heck outta those when I was in my early teens. I totally wanted to name our kiddo after a name I read in one of them...Wade...The hubs vetoed. What the heck? Ah ha ha

[Tatiana]

It is official from today I am your follower for for good.

[Carissa]

This was a great post! Although, I did not read romance novels, I somewhere along the lines of growing up developed those same feelings about men and their role in a relationship.

I'm so happy you found your Harlequin man and hope one day I can find mine as well.

[Meka]

Catching up on my prissymommy reading, lol!!!!!! I love love this post. I remember reading books that I was not suppose to and being so giddy while listening for mom at the same time. I too was an R L Stine fan. I remember being in the 8th grade with my R L stine book inside my reading book. Instead of reading the assigned reading I was reading, the babysitter. I got caught and my teacher did the terrible thing of asking me about the reading when she clearly knew that I was not reading my assigned work. We looked at each other with an understanding. Aww this post really brought back memories!!!! Girl you are not playing when you say you love to read.

[Nika]

aww this was a sweet post. I too was a young girl who read books way beyond her years, and yes I was very impressionable.

[fabdogooder]

you just brought back so many memories! I think I may have read every RL Stine book there is... lol

[Tati]

Why was I laughing uncontrollably at this entire blog? LMAO! I, too, read some pretty raunchy books I got from the Thrift Store as a kid. Unlike your grandma, my mama knew EXACTLY what I was reading... I was like 12... and just shook her head! LMAO! Although I def didnt end up with any sort of Harlequin (or Arabesque) man...it certainly doesn't stop a girl from believing or hoping they exist! :)